To.

2009.

What a year so far.  There have been a few ups, and many more downs.

The key is to remember.

Remember that everything happens for a reason.  Whether what happens opens your eyes to the rut you were living in.  Or maybe you realize that now is your chance; your chance to do the things that you have never had time (or never made time) to do.

To sleep in.  To travel.  To write like you have never written before.  To clean out that closet or space you have neglected for so long.  To really be able to enjoy a meal instead of scarfing it down while you are doing three things at once.  To read.  To really read.

To pay attention to all that has been going on around you for the last fifteen years.  All that you have enjoyed or could have enjoyed; look at it how you will.

But make sure you are looking.  

And see.

Being Thankful

There are so many experiences in life that help to bring things into perspective.  I was recently reading "A Thousand Splendid Suns" by Khaled Hosseini for my book club.  Now, I know that this is just a book.  I know that.  But regardless, this story is most likely based on many true stories.  True stories of such wickedness, such hate and filth, and hatred towards women and their perception and nothingness.  It truly sickened me.  What it also did was help me realize how truly lucky I am.

I am so fortunate; I have my voice, my freedom to say and choose how I will, to wear what I want and how I want and when I want.  To dance when I want to dance.  To sing when I want to sing.  To wake up when I want to wake up and do with my day however I choose and please is right for me.  I live in a country that does not impose, for the most part.  I live in a country that doesn't tell me that I must believe in a certain thing or in a certain way and how many times per day I must show that I believe.

There are definitely things in this country that I find wrong or confusing or just wrong.  But what I have to remember and what I believe everyone should remember is that we have a good life.  No matter how hard we have it, someone else is going through much worse than us.  The things that I read about which I know happen in real life are NOTHING compared to what I have been through.

I am so glad to have lived such a fulfilling and positive life.  I am glad to no longer have people in my life who are negative and choose to waste their time and energy on being and feeling in ways that are not productive.  I am glad that I have chosen the positive and realistic path.  I am so glad for who I am and who I have been.  

By the way, I HIGHLY recommend reading "A Thousand Splendid Suns."  It is a horrifying yet beautifully written story about another country, another world, and the women and men that suffer and make others suffer in that other country and world.

Time is such a precious thing...

There have been many anniversaries of sorts that have passed and some new ones to look forward to.  December 29th marked the 8 year anniversary of my Dad's passing.  January 4th would have been his 72nd birthday.  January 5th marked my one year anniversary at my Bikram yoga studio.  Without an exact date, Robert and I will have been together for three years this year.  In early May it will have been two years since my friend Jeff Neill passed away.  June 22nd will be one year that I have been a vegetarian......and they go on and on...........

I try to think mostly of the good things, the positives, but it is hard to forget the bad and the sad.  I believe that it is the tough times that make us who we are and help us develop and mature.  I would hope that everyone would be able to learn from experiences past and find something that helped make them a better person.  I guess that is just life and how things are.

It is nice to reflect and in light of recent events and happenings at work this is probably the right time to do so.  What ever has happened in the past has helped shape me and what is happening now will do the same.  What ever will be and will happen in the future will just be and there is nothing I can do at this point.  Just pray and hope for the best for all involved.

At least I have Spain to look forward to at the end of August!  

No regrets.

I have finally gotten my big butt back to the yoga studio...finally.

It feels good and it had to be on my own time.  When I went back to school I was freaked out.  It has been over ten years since I last took a class.  Who could expect my life to be exactly the same as it was?  

It took me exactly three months to figure it out and I feel fine.  I feel good.

I know what it is and I know what I want.  I know where I want to be and I know who I want it to be with.  I am done with the past and I am on to the future. 

I have no regrets.

To add or not to add?

It is so strange sometimes being online and being so visible and out there to so many people.  Sure you can figure out how to block yourself or "hide" online but just about everything you do leaves a footprint and this is such a strange concept sometimes.

In the last month I have gotten some very strange friend requests on either facebook or myspace that really made me think and wonder.  One was from someone from my past, someone I would rather forget, and it really made me wonder, why?  Why would this person want to bring this all back, see what I am doing now when this person HAS to know that they hurt me so terribly (and probably vice versa) so many years ago?  What makes you click on that "add as friend" button and why?  I often wonder that myself of the friend requests that I have made and I always think twice especially when it comes to people of my past.  I am sure I am not the only one who goes through this - it can be a very strange situation I think.

The other friend request was from someone that I would never have thought would think I was ever their friend.  (Did that make sense?)  ;o)  When you know people from and through work and only work, how do you know what that personal relationship would be like?  I guess that also brings up a good point to me as well; why do I think that we wouldn't be friends outside of work?  It is a bit more complicated then that in this particular case.  The way we interacted, the impression they made on me and the way that they left.  Now that we no longer have work as that tie I really don't see anything more; so should I approve that friend request?

Hell no!  LOL.  But seriously, being online and so visible sometimes freaks me out.  Who knows who is out there spying and lurking...?

What I do love is how many awesome people I have gotten back in touch with and how good that has made me feel.  There have been some pretty amazing people that I have known in the last 32 years of my life and I feel so lucky to have been given the chance to find them once again and reconnect.  Technology has definitely been a positive in most of our lives but at times I think there has to be a limit.  There has to be a point when we must assess how much we are connected and that really, we have to "unplug" every once in a while.

Thank you facebook and myspace for getting me back in touch with those that I love and admire and for keeping me in touch with my amazing friends!  I look forward to many more friends and requests and keeping that connection alive!

Books, revisited.

Oh, how I have neglected my little blogspot.  It's been quite the whirlwind of work, school, book clubs, working out, socializing, boyfriend time, cat time, etc., etc., etc.!  So now I have a bit of catching up to do.

Ahem.

Things have been going well lately.  I am still trying to get into a proper school groove, if there is such a thing, but have managed to so far successfully balance all of the things mentioned above.  The one thing that I have unfortunately cut back on is my regular attendance at my Bikram yoga studio (I hope Douglas will forgive me.)  At first I wasn't sure who was more upset about it - me or my faithful yoga buddy.  ;o)  BUT, also, at first I was SO overwhelmed I was happy to get some time back in my day so I could read my weekly ninety page assignments!

I did manage to work in a personal trainer and doing cardio at the gym downstairs in my work building so that I could get in and get out and go home and study!  The one thing I must say is that I have managed to stay VERY sane throughout all of this.  Sure there has been that moment or two where I just want to THROW Robert and Ahab out the front window but that's natural, right?  ;o)  I don't know where all of this balance has come from; maybe it's that steady yoga practice that I kept up that got me here or maybe it's just one of those things that happens every 7 years?  Well, what ever it is, it has been very helpful throughout all of my changes.

School has been good but it makes me wonder sometimes why do we even bother having in-person classes?  Yeah I understand that the interaction with other classmates face to face does have some merit but being able to do an accelerated program and doing your study work at your own pace just makes so much more sense!  Less time wasted, less gas used, etc!  Man, I should have figured this out a long time ago.

Okay, well, enough for now.  No more babbling.  Maybe one of these days I will make it back to yoga but for right now it is read, read, read, study, study, study, and write, write, write.  Back to the books!!

Heidi minus the Meat Anniversary!

Today marks the four month anniversary of my being a vegetarian, I mean, a pescetarian (veggie who still eats fish).  It has been an interesting adjustment but I have to say that I have never felt better in my life.  It's funny too because at first I didn't have any cravings at all for meat but interestingly enough in the last month I would say, I have thought that a nice steak sounds good or a big hunk of chicken breast meat, BUT, I am not going to do it.  

It has probably been more interesting trying to find alternatives and ensuring I am still getting the proper nutrition.  I would say that I eat a LOT better now than I did when I was a meat eater.  When you eat meat there are so many probabilities for getting lower quality/grade food and meat.  Who knows where that chicken came from or what kinds of qualifiers the vendor has in picking out their meat.  There are some places that know there are a lot of conscious meat eaters out there and buy organic or free-range and I think that is great but this not eating meat thing is really working out for me.

Just a quick post about my feelings on that.  Now - back to school work!!