No regrets.

I have finally gotten my big butt back to the yoga studio...finally.

It feels good and it had to be on my own time.  When I went back to school I was freaked out.  It has been over ten years since I last took a class.  Who could expect my life to be exactly the same as it was?  

It took me exactly three months to figure it out and I feel fine.  I feel good.

I know what it is and I know what I want.  I know where I want to be and I know who I want it to be with.  I am done with the past and I am on to the future. 

I have no regrets.

To add or not to add?

It is so strange sometimes being online and being so visible and out there to so many people.  Sure you can figure out how to block yourself or "hide" online but just about everything you do leaves a footprint and this is such a strange concept sometimes.

In the last month I have gotten some very strange friend requests on either facebook or myspace that really made me think and wonder.  One was from someone from my past, someone I would rather forget, and it really made me wonder, why?  Why would this person want to bring this all back, see what I am doing now when this person HAS to know that they hurt me so terribly (and probably vice versa) so many years ago?  What makes you click on that "add as friend" button and why?  I often wonder that myself of the friend requests that I have made and I always think twice especially when it comes to people of my past.  I am sure I am not the only one who goes through this - it can be a very strange situation I think.

The other friend request was from someone that I would never have thought would think I was ever their friend.  (Did that make sense?)  ;o)  When you know people from and through work and only work, how do you know what that personal relationship would be like?  I guess that also brings up a good point to me as well; why do I think that we wouldn't be friends outside of work?  It is a bit more complicated then that in this particular case.  The way we interacted, the impression they made on me and the way that they left.  Now that we no longer have work as that tie I really don't see anything more; so should I approve that friend request?

Hell no!  LOL.  But seriously, being online and so visible sometimes freaks me out.  Who knows who is out there spying and lurking...?

What I do love is how many awesome people I have gotten back in touch with and how good that has made me feel.  There have been some pretty amazing people that I have known in the last 32 years of my life and I feel so lucky to have been given the chance to find them once again and reconnect.  Technology has definitely been a positive in most of our lives but at times I think there has to be a limit.  There has to be a point when we must assess how much we are connected and that really, we have to "unplug" every once in a while.

Thank you facebook and myspace for getting me back in touch with those that I love and admire and for keeping me in touch with my amazing friends!  I look forward to many more friends and requests and keeping that connection alive!

Books, revisited.

Oh, how I have neglected my little blogspot.  It's been quite the whirlwind of work, school, book clubs, working out, socializing, boyfriend time, cat time, etc., etc., etc.!  So now I have a bit of catching up to do.

Ahem.

Things have been going well lately.  I am still trying to get into a proper school groove, if there is such a thing, but have managed to so far successfully balance all of the things mentioned above.  The one thing that I have unfortunately cut back on is my regular attendance at my Bikram yoga studio (I hope Douglas will forgive me.)  At first I wasn't sure who was more upset about it - me or my faithful yoga buddy.  ;o)  BUT, also, at first I was SO overwhelmed I was happy to get some time back in my day so I could read my weekly ninety page assignments!

I did manage to work in a personal trainer and doing cardio at the gym downstairs in my work building so that I could get in and get out and go home and study!  The one thing I must say is that I have managed to stay VERY sane throughout all of this.  Sure there has been that moment or two where I just want to THROW Robert and Ahab out the front window but that's natural, right?  ;o)  I don't know where all of this balance has come from; maybe it's that steady yoga practice that I kept up that got me here or maybe it's just one of those things that happens every 7 years?  Well, what ever it is, it has been very helpful throughout all of my changes.

School has been good but it makes me wonder sometimes why do we even bother having in-person classes?  Yeah I understand that the interaction with other classmates face to face does have some merit but being able to do an accelerated program and doing your study work at your own pace just makes so much more sense!  Less time wasted, less gas used, etc!  Man, I should have figured this out a long time ago.

Okay, well, enough for now.  No more babbling.  Maybe one of these days I will make it back to yoga but for right now it is read, read, read, study, study, study, and write, write, write.  Back to the books!!

Heidi minus the Meat Anniversary!

Today marks the four month anniversary of my being a vegetarian, I mean, a pescetarian (veggie who still eats fish).  It has been an interesting adjustment but I have to say that I have never felt better in my life.  It's funny too because at first I didn't have any cravings at all for meat but interestingly enough in the last month I would say, I have thought that a nice steak sounds good or a big hunk of chicken breast meat, BUT, I am not going to do it.  

It has probably been more interesting trying to find alternatives and ensuring I am still getting the proper nutrition.  I would say that I eat a LOT better now than I did when I was a meat eater.  When you eat meat there are so many probabilities for getting lower quality/grade food and meat.  Who knows where that chicken came from or what kinds of qualifiers the vendor has in picking out their meat.  There are some places that know there are a lot of conscious meat eaters out there and buy organic or free-range and I think that is great but this not eating meat thing is really working out for me.

Just a quick post about my feelings on that.  Now - back to school work!!

It's been a long time...

It's been a while, huh?  Geez, between work, school, boyfriend, friends, yoga, STILL unpacking and trying to get errands and chores done, it's been a tough last couple of weeks.  It has definitely been interesting getting back into the school groove while working and trying to maintain everything else and let's face it - some things just have to go.

The spontaneous happy hours after work.  Staying up and out late.  I have to keep things on schedule again and it's hard getting back to that.  I took advantage of the fact that I was pretty much free to do what ever I wanted to whenever I wanted.  I am sure it is hard for some of you out there as well.  All I can say is that it is for a very good reason!  

I am really excited for this weekend though and I've been working really hard this week so I can play this weekend.  It is the "So You Think You Can Dance" concert at the Rose Garden on Sunday night.  A few friends are coming into town to go with me like we did last year - really great, wonderful friends too!  I am SO excited.  Can't wait to see the show.  It is going to be a blast.

No meet and greet this year which is a bummer!  Oh well - at least I met Danny last year!  He was the dreamiest!!!  :o)

To Be...

Sometimes and some days I just wish I could completely unplug and just be.  I don't know why or what it is but some days I just want to be in the middle of nowhere.  I don't want to see anybody.  I don't want to talk to anybody.  I don't want to touch or smell anybody.  I just want to be me.  No outside influences.  Nobody telling me what to do or how to feel.

Just stillness.

Breath.

Me.

Does anyone else feel that way?  Is it the want to be free of responsibilities?  Free of commitments?  Free?

Yowza!

Okay, so has it REALLY been that long since I have taken a college course?  

Yeah - I guess it has.  And here is why:

Most of you know that I am starting back up to finish my degree that I started way back in 1994.  So, I am going to finish it online through Ashford University because they offer a great program called "Organizational Management" with a concentration in English.  No, it's not the English Lit degree I was striving for back in the day but it will definitely help me out in my current career path and then some!  AND it incorporates English!

So, my first class opened up early yesterday so I immediately got online and checked out what all we had to do.  Today is officially the first day and I already have 3 due dates for assignments for WEEK ONE.  Granted, these courses only run 5 weeks so I know they have to get a lot done during that time frame.  This is a good thing because I need my butt whipped into shape in more way than one!  It's just crazy because these chapters aren't short by any means and the print is SO small!  Okay, now I'm just whining......

So, there it is.  I probably won't have much of a social life now which is fine because that will save me lots of calories AND cash!  :o)  You know - so many people were telling me that online courses would be too easy and that I should opt to finish my degree by being in class in the seat but I have to say this is already much more of a challenge than I thought it would be which is great!!

Oh, for those who are interested this first course is PSY202 - Adult Development and Life Assessment which I guess is a standard intro course and I welcome that!

Here's to going back to school and finishing that almighty degree!  Wish me luck!!

A reprieve...

Well, the movers got me into Robert's place, I mean OUR new place, about an hour ago.  The hardest part is done.  All the packing, sifting through things - it seems to get easier and easier as the days count down but of course the weekend I decide to move is one of the hottest weeks ever!  I could hardly get anything done it was insane how hot this apartment got!  Now, I'm looking at all of the empty space and remembering how it was about two years ago that I came upon this duplex and all of the wild times since.

I still have quite a bit to do but luckily the family that owns this place is flexible and it's not like I HAVE to be out by midnight tonight.  I will have all of my belongings out though and poor little Ahab who is just looking around at all the empty space and probably wondering, "Mom, why did you let those two men take all of our things?"  :)  I am exhausted.  Mentally, physically, emotionally, everythingally.

Exhausted doesn't BEGIN to explain how I feel right now.  It will definitely be an interesting journey where this move takes me.  It already has been.  Getting rid of things left and right - paring down to what I really think I NEED and having complete strangers come into my home to check out my vintage danish-mod sofa or my cheap-o 26" TV from 4 years ago with the stand that I inherited from Katherine.  

Well, wish me luck everyone.  I can't say that I think I will NEED it - I'm very good at teamwork and making things work and the amount of patience that I have, well.....let's just say that some might (at times) call me a saint.  :)

Goodbye SE 14th and Oak St, 97214!  I will miss you dearly - all of the GOOD times and all of the NOT so good encounters, which there weren't many of luckily.

Hello SE 49th Ave!!!

P.S.  Oh, and I forgot to mention - this morning as I was preparing some of my last boxes the most INSANE THUNDER erupted from out of nowhere.  Heavy, heavy showers followed.  It sounded like it was right up the street and then of course, my power went out.  I came into this neighborhood dealing with power outages left and right (thanks to the transformer on the next street up) so I might as well leave Buckman with a good old power outage!  What a mess!

Wow - Food is Good...

So, of course, making a change from being a meat eater to being a non-meat eater is a pretty big change, especially after 30 years of eating meat.  I mean, who knows how it is going to affect your body, your way of thinking, your actions and reactions, your functions.  Who knows until you do it?

So, tonight I thought I was going to be in trouble food-wise.  A group of really great friends and I went to Toro Bravo for a close friend's birthday.  It's a tapas-style place.  I love tapas.  But I've only had tapas as a meat eater.  Never as a vegetarian.  As soon as I glanced at the menu I thought I was doomed - everything I've ever had tapas style has been bacon-wrapped this or meatball that.  Let me just say that not only was I pleasantly surprised but I am now home and I am SO stuffed I think I need to do TWO yoga sessions tomorrow morning to work all of this food off!

It was amazing.  It invoked thoughts of things from WAY back that I hadn't thought about in a (obviously) very long time.  The food was spectacular, the wine was intoxicating, the company was wonderful - I couldn't have asked for a better Friday night.  The end to a VERY long week!  Thank you T, R, B, R, S - you are all wonderful people and I had such a great time.

Thank you!!!

LOL Cats - gotta love 'em!

Just a couple of photos that made me laugh this morning that I thought I would share.  I love LOLCats!!!!!  And is this week over yet??  It's been a LONG, stressful one and I'm ready for the weekend!

My First Indian Wedding!

What an amazing weekend, wedding - WOW!

So, a good friend of mine, Suja, was set to be married July 26, 2008 in Seattle, Washington. I got her invitation about 2 months ago and was just so excited for her as it seems she is extremely happy and when my friends are happy, so am I. I immediately started planning - contacted my friend, Katherine, who I knew would also be invited to see if she would be there as well and of course she would! She invited me to stay with her which I immediately accepted and started planning on meeting many wonderful people and having a great time. The only downside to this I was to find out was that Robert's mother and sister were to be in town this particular weekend as a part of their trip/stay out here to Portland and that I would miss that weekend's activities with his family.

So, after trying to catch up on sleep I am remembering things that happened and just how much fun I had. I arrived Friday afternoon, made my way over to the Hotel where Katherine booked a room - The W. A beautiful suite to stay in, a beautiful view and on top of it all beautiful weather! We hung out for a bit and then decided on where to go for dinner - Campagne. My boss was nice enough to give me a gift certificate that was given to him to this French-American restaurant which made our decision a bit easier. We enjoyed a lovely dinner, a couple of drinks with dinner and shared a delicious dessert and made our way back to the Hotel, all within walking distance which made it even better! We hung out at the W's fun and hip bar. Made friends with John the bartender and enjoyed the people watching which there was plenty of.

The next morning we woke up early, trekked up to "The Sweatbox" where we worked off our butter-laden dinner from the night previous - ahh yes, and those four glasses of wine! Let's not forget those! We walked back to our hotel - a 2 mile round trip walk - grabbed some coffee and a pastry at the wonderful little French bakery across the street, Belle Epicurean, and back to the room! A shower and all that good stuff and off we were to Pike Place Market! We checked out the vendors and then grabbed some Mediterranean food for lunch at Sabra and then made our way up the street to check out the Nordstrom flagship store. As we walked up the street I started hearing "Light My Fire" coming from a car down the hill with it's windows down. I mean, it was blaring! As the car made its way up the hill we saw it - a pimped out black with gold accents Trans Am! I had to snap a photo!! As the car went by I looked in and it was a 50+ year old Asian man! LOL - too funny! There was a group in front of us that cheered him on as he peeled away from the stoplight and made HIS way up the hill. Here is the photo I was able to get of him.

On our way we stopped in Lush, got a wonderful hand scrub treatment, bought a couple of items and again, on our way we went! A quick stop in Nordstrom to check out the shoes, etc. and finally, back to our room to get ready for the wedding!

And now, the wedding. I don't know if it was the people, the setting, the religion, the tradition - I simply knew that this was going to be a GREAT wedding and a wonderful time. Maybe it was my attitude, my positivity, my happiness for this couple. The ceremony was to be a traditional Indian ceremony that later we found out was to be only 45 minutes long. It was definitely longer than 45 minutes and the only reason I knew was because I started getting hungry - it was fun though taking photos and being walked through what was going on - the Officiant was really good about that. And when Suja came out - wow. She looked SO beautiful in her super-ornate red Sari.

After the ceremony I recall the groom's father opening up these double doors and announcing that "the bar is open!" Hooray! I could tell that these people knew how to have a good time and was very much looking forward to the food as it was of course going to be a Vegetarian's feast! And it was!!! Katherine and I met a few people, chatted first with the DJ, DJ Aanshul, who approached us probably because we looked like we didn't really know anyone. Then we introduced ourselves to Suja's brother, Arun, and talked to him for a little bit as we grabbed our second drink. Nice guy. Chatty. Handsome. Charming. Then it was food time - we loaded up and while in line we met another nice gentleman, Hari. He was a very nice man and I think was particularly interested in Katherine. :o) He was a cousin of the family but decided to find a seat with us and enjoy his dinner with us which was nice. Then some delicious cake which Katherine and I shared as we were both stuffed and then, the dancing begins!!!!

Wow - I would say it was almost 3 hours STRAIGHT of dancing to current selections but my favorite - Bollywood! It was great and we made some more new friends on the dance floor. A particularly beautiful young lady, who the next day we found out her name - Sapna. She was fun! Such a great outlook and attitude!! Throughout the evening we had several fun dance partners and each other. Katherine and I were just enjoying and although we were both wearing probably 3-4 inch heels it didn't matter! Everyone was on the dance floor - that was the beauty. I really enjoyed dancing with Vikram's (groom) Dad, Dr. Rao, Suja's brother, Arun, and of course, Katherine. There was another guy whose name we didn't know yet that kept dancing with us and he just had the greatest smile - everyone was SO nice. We were introduced the next day and his name is Barack - no, not Obama, he says!

Anyhow, as the evening was ending I figured out what it was that I loved so much and I remember telling Katherine this: These families, these people, were so passionate. You could feel the passion in the air and when I say passion I don't mean, Days of our Lives passion. I'm talking these people LOVE and you can feel it. They love having a good time, they love each other, they love themselves. It permeated - it was intoxicating. I didn't want the evening to end.

A few more dances and about midnight the evening ended there - time to cool off and head "home." I changed out of my almost completely sopping wet dress and into some jeans and a cute top and again, we found ourselves downstairs with John, our faithful bartender with a good memory. We couldn't get over how wonderful the whole evening was and what a great weekend it had turned out to be. Which I knew it would but wow - it was more than I had imagined!

I really didn't want to leave. I was having such a good time but how great would it be to recount my stories when I got back home?! We attended the day after brunch at the bride and groom's home and had time to catch up with our friend, Suja, and to meet and chat with the nice people we had danced with the night previous. I think I'm still catching up on sleep - it was that good of a time.

A time and a weekend I will never forget. Thank you Suja and all of your family and friends for such a memorable and wonderful weekend. Thank you Seattle for again showing me that you are a beautifully unique city. Thank you Katherine for being such a great friend and for always being so positive and fun. Thank you.

Feelings...

I just have to say that I have been pretty emotional lately.  It feels to me that I can FEEL everything and that everyone is an open book to me.  Like you don't even have to communicate with me and I just KNOW what is going on......

Why do I have to feel this?

It hurts me a lot and is sometimes hard to feel what I am feeling.....but I know that what you are going through is a lot more than what I feel.

It just makes me really, really sad.  Just to know.  

My thoughts and my heart are with YOU.  Please know that - you know that I care for you and love you very, very much and that my friendship with you means SO much to me.

I may not be able to help and/or fix what is going with you at the moment but please know that I am here for you and that my love for you runs SO deep.  I would do anything for you.

Reach out.  I am here...

Sometimes it's good to suck (get your mind out of the gutter!!)

It is really amazing how your body is different each and every day.  How what you eat and drink one day can affect you the next.  This has become more and more evident to me because of my Bikram yoga practice.  Especially since I'm in a room heated to about 105 degrees or so!  Oh, the things you feel!  :o)

I'm amazed how one day I can't seem to focus on anything other than how hot it is in the room, how I MUST wipe the sweat from my hands from my arms, how hot my stomach feels - and other days, like this morning, my practice feels effortless; like a dream.  As if I'm floating from one pose to the next and yes, with effort, but not to the degree of I feel like I am going to die.  I really enjoy how humbling practicing yoga is - especially Bikram yoga.  Amazingly, it is a great feeling when you suck in class because it grounds you; makes you aware of you and your body, your mind.

If you have never tried Bikram yoga I challenge you to give it a shot!  My boyfriend was a good sport and signed up for the introductory package (which at most studios is around $30 for one full month of unlimited yoga) and he went almost every time I did.  He stuck it out and agrees that it is very challenging but that it wasn't for him.  See how amazing you feel after 30 days.  During my intro package I went 19 out of the 30 days and felt AMAZING!  I still go around 4-5 times a week and really notice a difference in my awareness and am thankful for each and every time I make it to class and for the motivation of having a "yoga buddy" to push me to go when I would rather sleep in!  Thank you yoga buddy (you know who you are!!)

So I Think I Can Dance!

I think one of the reasons I love watching "So You Think You Can Dance" every year is because I wonder what my life would be like now if I had pursued dancing professionally.  Not in the way that I hate my life now or anything but in the way that you wonder about a different possibility.  You wonder where you would be living instead of where you are now and who your friends would be.  What your family would be like now.  If you really would have made it or if you would have struggled like so many do in the world of dance amongst so many other art forms.

Everyone makes the decisions that they do and for a good reason.  My reason for not following dance professionally was partly because I never really had the "dancer's body" but definitely it was because I knew it wouldn't pay the bills.  But would I have been happier?  Would I have felt more satisfied knowing that I had truly tried and followed what my heart really told me to?

It's something I think about quite often.  Even though I was only 125 pounds and 5'8" I never had the body of a ballet dancer which is what I truly fell in love with (ballet).  I started too late in life, according to the ballet purists.  I know I had/have talent but could it have been enough?  If it wouldn't have been enough why didn't I look into choreography?  I've always loved it and loved creating little shows and putting together dance routines for our annual concerts......but that was a long time ago.  (Photo above was taken at a performance at Palomar College - a ballet piece set to Bach - I'm on the left)

This is exactly why I adore and admire the dancers that are on the show.  They are truly doing what their heart is telling them they were meant to do and they are great at it!  They have SUCH passion!  When I watch them perform I sometimes DO wish that I could go back in time and see how I would have turned out if I had followed that dream.  I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be in Portland right now if I had, that's for sure, and I don't know if I would be willing to trade that for anything.

Dancing, choreography, dancers, music - it all speaks to me.  It moves me and I just love being a part of it and if the show keeps that fire alive in me, then great.  Last year I was lucky enough to have gotten tickets to their tour when they came here to Portland and scored some backstage passes - I met almost ALL of the top dancers and to meet them and talk to them even if for just a few minutes made me appreciate all that I have and all that I have learned over the last 10 years of living on my own.  I am thankful for all of the wonderful people that I have met throughout the years and know that I would never trade that for anything.

Still, it is fun to dream!

For all you LUSHes out there!!

I've been meaning to write about a new addiction of mine. Some of you who talk to me frequently may already know what it is. I don't know what took me so long to try and fall in love with this store and their fresh-made products - maybe it's because their only store in Portland is on NW 23rd and being that I don't live over in that neighborhood anymore, I dread the thought of making my way over there due to the bad traffic and parking is a bitch!

LUSH makes all of their products by hand and from fresh, sometimes 100% Vegan ingredients. A girl that I work with had told me about them and how much she fell in love with their products so finally one lunch afternoon a few of us headed up there with her to check it out. She let me try some of her "Love Lettuce" face mask to see if I liked it. These Fresh Masks are made fresh weekly with all sorts of interesting ingredients that are supposed to cleanse, renew, and refresh. These masks in particular have expiration dates and must be kept refrigerated as a lot of them have actual food items in them - avocado, almonds, and spices amongst other things. Let me just say that I am now addicted (thanks Babs) and my skin has never looked better!

What intrigues me about LUSH is their unique approach to skin care, skin maintenance and even how they try new things with their bath products. I mean, whoever heard of a solid shampoo?!?! Now, I had tried their soap products a few years ago thanks to an ex that brought them back to me from a trip to Vancouver, BC and he thought it would be a unique gift idea until I told him that we had a store right up on 23rd (and this is when I lived in NW). It could also have taken me so long because there was a girl I know that used to manage that store who I know didn't like me so much (different ex's ex) and that could have deterred me from entering their very fragrant front doors (immature, I know, but those were very different and dramatic times). Well, what ever it WAS maybe I just wasn't ready for them until NOW.

What's so great about it too is that it has me really excited about skin care when of course who thinks that washing their face and applying moisturizer could be exciting?? It's not. It's one of those things that most people think, "Okay, it's time to go to bed - gotta go wash my face. Ugh." But when you get such GREAT results from very reasonable priced products that are made with care and are also Cruelty Free and NOT tested on animals, well, I'm totally sold!

What I love best about "finding" something new like this is being able to share with friends and family. It's also great because there are all sorts of gift ideas I've got running through my head and lots of birthdays coming up. You Lucky Leos!! :o)

So I recommend that if you are lucky enough to have a Lush store near you to go ahead, walk in, ignore the somewhat overpowering scent of all the bath products and walk on over to one of their Uber-friendly associates and ask them what face wash they recommend for your skin type. The world is such a serious place that we should be able to escape every once in a while (or every night) when you are slathering up that face mask ready to apply and think, man, my skin is going to look great when I'm done with this!

By the way, I just bought and tried a new mask, Brazened Honey. Wow - it has all sorts of spices in it and it is supposed to spice up your skin, make you sweat and bring out any impurities. I was in yoga class this morning and I could still smell it - it smelled like I had eaten a bunch of curry last night! It's fun! And that is what skin care should be!

Meeting My Meat

I am once again disgusted with people. I was checking out The Masala Dose's blog that had a link to an article about the brutality of meat production. Now, it's been years since I have checked out PETA and read their newsletters, etc. My sister, Wendy, is a vegetarian and has been for many, many years. We've talked about it before and although I always thought it would coincide more with my beliefs, I never made that change. Call it laziness or what ever but I just never did it even though I absolutely 100% love animals and do not wish any sort of harm to them.

I watched a video called "Meet Your Meat." I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Poor chicks that are forced to eat and eat and they eat so much and grow so quickly their bones can't handle it - their legs break, they flop around, they can't get to water and a lot of the time die right next to a feeder or water but couldn't reach it due to their lame limbs. It was horrifying watching the cattle that also couldn't even walk themselves down the conveyer because their bones were as well either broken or lame due to the conditions that they suffered in. Throats being slit, animals falling off of the hooks they were put on and writhing around in their own blood. How could I not remember all of this was happening?

I suppose it is a testament to our willful blindness to these horrific acts that are happening daily. I'm not one to eat meat on a daily basis but I have definitely enjoyed a trip or two to the Brazil Grill where it is advertised as "All you can eat meat." Oh - how could I?! Well, I guess all I can do is make changes now and forgive and forget what I have done in the past and remain true to my beliefs in that animals should be treated humanely and should live normal, natural lives just like most everyone else.

I feel like me giving up meat just isn't enough though. What more can I do? I feel so helpless and wish there were more I could do but there are just so many people who could care less about a 6-week old chicken being hauled off to the slaughterhouse. I cannot imagine - never seeing the light of day. Never feeling the earth; grass. Never to breathe fresh air or feel free to roam around at my will. Horrifying. I know it's a downer subject but something very important to me. What ever it takes - I am going to make that change and be true to who I am and what I have always believed in. If you know of something more that I (we all) can do, please share!

Guys and Loud Music

Okay, so I've lived in Portland almost 10 years now and I don't think I have ever, EVER lived above anyone that hasn't been a single guy that LOVES to play his ghetto-thug music or his German Dance nnnn-ssttkkk, nnnn-ssttkkk, nnnn-ssttkkk music LOUD.  I maybe, just might have gotten a years reprieve when I lived on NW 21st and Kearney but all I know is it didn't last long.

So here we come to the year 2006.  I score a new place, the upper unit in a duplex, above the son of an old Manager of mine.  Awesome!  He's older - 39 or so?  I'm thinking, ahhh-yes.  Finally!  No young insecure guy (possibly gay - not that there's anything wrong with that) blaring his stupid ass music until one in the morning!  YES!!!!!!!

NO.

Ohh, boy, was I wrong.  Guys - how old do you have to be to finally realize that no one wants to listen to your stupidly BAD ghetto rap music (think Michael Bolton in Office Space) with the bass turned up all the way?!  Now, I know you're trying to impress the ladies and you bring them over and all that good stuff but seriously.  Turn the freaking music DOWN!  At least stop playing it by 9pm.  Now, don't think I haven't already asked him to try and keep it down because I'm an old lady and go to bed pretty early and that friggin' bass just keeps me up, because I have.  Yet it still happens and the bad thing is his living room is under my bedroom so when he's up, I'm up.  The flip side to that, just to be fair, is my living room is above his bedroom so when I'm listening/watching my obnoxious shows (i.e. So You Think You Can Dance) until 10pm with the volume turned up to 37, I guess I'm kind of doing the same thing.  But the thing is - this man does not own a pair of headphones and never sleeps.

And I do.

Vegas, Baby!

So, I spent a good part of today booking my ticket to Vegas in November right around Veterans' Day.  My good friend Sam invited me as he and a friend/co-worker are going and staying in her Mom's timeshare.  I'm pretty excited about it - bummed that Robert and I don't have any trips planned right now but that's understandable considering the circumstances.  Anyhow, I will be there for 5 nights which should be a blast and we'll probably go see a show or something.  I'm looking forward to the heat and Sam is always a lot of fun to spend time with.  He is low stress and lots of fun!  I guess that's why he also made a great roommate even if for only 6 months!

Trips are great.  It's nice to get away, enjoy some scenery different than boring old Portland, Oregon.  I'm sure Ahab won't be pleased.  Poor Ahab - I should take him on a trip some time to get him out of this stale, old house.  I've started taking Ahab outside while supervised.  I sit out on the main front porch and he just kind of wanders around, nervously at times, and sniffs things.  He's always loved to smell things.  I don't know why - do all cats do that?  I think my cat is definitely a "special" cat and he might possibly have some idiosyncrasies that are fairly unique.  Like pawing at plastic bags until I can't take it anymore!

Covering the Silence

It's interesting how a movie will build emotion and keep building and then when you least expect it, it hits you.  I've always wanted to see the movie "The Hours."  I have heard great things about it and was especially interested in seeing Nicole Kidman with the prosthetic nose.  I don't know if it is because I knew there were some pretty great female actors in this film that drew me to it or if it was because it drew on Virginia Woolf who I have actually never read, if you can believe that.

I started watching it and was immediately grabbed by it; these amazing women, the music, the story.  It was so sad.  So introspective.  Each detail I found incredible and the entire time found myself waiting for the next word.  Hanging on for that next piece.  The next look and then, towards the end, when Clarissa's daughter, Julia, hugs Laura Brown, old and alone - I lost it.  All of the build up and here it is.  Overwhelming, sad and dead.

I recommend to anyone that enjoys a great story full of emotion and sadness to watch "The Hours."  Meryl Streep is amazing.  Everyone is amazing.  Moving.  Alive and yet so dead.  Emotionless figures that have given up, that fear giving up.  I didn't want it to end.  And yet it did.

Picking a Book Club Pick

So I've been in a book club for a little over one year now and it's been great!  We have already seen some people come and some people go but it has definitely been a good experience.  

Now, it's my chance to pick my second pick for everyone to enjoy.  This is hard.  This is pressure.  It's not easy!  The first time around was a no-brainer for me.  I was going to pick something written by an old college professor of mine, Duff Brenna.  I knew his stuff - I thought it would be something different, something a bit more literary than our previous picks.  Something a bit more studious that followed all of the rules of writing and that would capture.  That would intrigue.  That would push buttons.  That would disgust.  That might inspire.  "The Book of Mamie" did ALL of those and more.  One girl even announced that she would never, ever, EVER finish reading the book it touched such a nerve with her.  

Well, I did it the first time, now what in the hell was I going to do the second time around?  Am I going to be so perplexed when it comes to choice number three?  

Wow......I hope not.  Hopefully this is how second albums are for artists.  They're not the best.  You're thinking way too much about it that it just might bomb.  Okay, okay - it shouldn't be this big of a deal.

But it was.  

Now, I finally made my decision.  FINALLY!  I had to read the first few pages of about 10 books before I could decide.  I've always loved Toni Morrison.  I love true, true novels, what ever those might be.  In my head I think I know.

She touches.  She moves.  She inspires and I haven't read any of her books in a very long while.  And so it is time.  It is time for a lot of things and it is time once again to delve into the mind of such a great author as Toni Morrison.

I picked "Jazz."  I'm really excited.  It's an older selection of hers from 1992.  We've been reading a lot more current books and I think it will be nice to go back a bit and experience the genius of Ms. Morrison.  Hopefully the rest of our book club members will agree.

I'll keep you posted!  :o)

Bless Animals...

I love animals. I love everything about them. Their grumpy moods, their cute and innocent looks, the way they smell and how they smell, the funny things they do and just how curious they are by nature!

I found the picture above while doing a google images search and it just made me laugh out loud. Why do animals make us laugh so easily? Have you ever watched America's Funniest Videos? Then you will know that more often than not a video with an animal that does something funny wins! Why do I think this is? Because animals do funny things without knowing it. They're not staging anything they are just being them and that is what makes them so funny. It is also a very important lesson to us all.

Be who you are. Be open, honest and innocent. Do the things that you love and put extra emphasis on the things that make you happy. Be smart and be curious - those who love you will love you even more. Try it for a day, a few hours or a week! See if anything changes. :o)

Fabulous!

Okay, so a few of my crazy friends and I went to the Midnight showing last night of the "Sex and the City" movie! It was awesome, of course. Yes, we cried - yes, it plays with your emotions as did the Series and I absolutely loved every minute of it!! The clothes/fashion were spectacular and of course a little over the top, the shoes were to die for and the ladies are just as beautiful as ever.

I'm really happy that we went and thankful for having a friend like Betsy to share these memories with. Her sister, Bev was an absolute beautiful riot all night and her friend Melissa was a total pleasure to meet (and she's pregnant!!) Talk about die-hards, huh??

Thank you to Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda for bringing the four of us together last night, for sneaking Bev's "Perfect Cosmo's" into the theater and for making us all laugh, cry and just be. :o)

Changes

2008 has been an interesting year, to say the least. There have been quite a few changes in my life and in the lives of so many others so far and it is only May! An interesting thing - I was talking about this with someone a few months ago and about a month after we had this discussion we were talking about our friendship and how it had changed and how that made us both feel. It is interesting how certain individuals are brought into and out of our lives and why. Why were we friends for only 6 years and why did I feel that it was time to move on? A good friend of mine, Lucy Loew , once told me that friends are here for a reason, a season or for life. That will always stay with me and it makes complete sense.

It isn't for me to completely understand why things happen the way they do and in fact is probably good as I can't control everything and these kinds of "things" keep me in check. It also doesn't make sense to simply stay friends with someone just because or because you have already known each other for so long. If that person is no longer good for you or isn't a good influence then why stay friends with them? I have always struggled with saying goodbye in friendships - who wouldn't?

Anyway, there it is. Changes. They are happening and whether they be good, bad or what ever, there they are. And there they always will be.

Beginnings

And so it begins. I have been craving to start my very own blog for some time now. I've checked out quite a few and always enjoy reading others ideas, thoughts, ideals, etc. I believe now is the time for my own blog to begin. For my own new beginning and for a new creative outlet that I have never before explored.

I'd like to share with everyone a wonderful site that has been pretty inspiring to me and has also kept me on track with my goals. It is http://www.43things.com/. This site was shared with me about 3 years ago and I have kept up with updating my entries, changing/adding goals, etc. It's a lot of fun and almost like a blog but with more of a goal-oriented purpose. Check it out!

I'm going to keep my first post short and sweet so as not to overwhelm but really want to thank all of the inspiring people out there in the world who make each day unique and full of life. Each day I realize how lucky I am to be living the life that I do and although some days are hard and other days are full of obstacles - the world never ceases to amaze me. Thank you world!